What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.