On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.