It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.