Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.