What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.