Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Biology - It grows on you.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny