What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.