What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X