When your putt lips out, what disease do you have?
Liprocy.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?
The Bogey.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
Where do ghosts play golf?
On a golf corpse.
Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
Golf balls are like eggs…
They’re white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.