What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.