What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.