Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.