How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.