How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.