Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.