My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.