"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown
"It's rude to count people as you pass them. Out loud."
From an Adidas ad
“Marathoners: Life is too easy. I must find a way to make it much much harder.”
-Glennon Doyle, best-selling author
"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."
Jimmy Fallon
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
“I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty.” – Wendy Liebman
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull
"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz
"I don't believe in jogging. It extending your life, but by about the same amount of time you spend jogging."
Marshall Brickman
"It's a hill. Get over it."
From a runner's T-shirt
“I would sooner be prime minister of the moon than run another marathon. I’ve been really lucky. I didn’t have any toenails fall off or anything disgusting like that. I still have all three nipples.”
– Ryan Reynolds, actor
"Run like hell and get the agony over with."
Clarence DeMar
"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry, you will get over it."
Gene Thibeault
"Running makes me feel less like I want to kill people."
From a runner's T-shirt
"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe is choosing the left one."
Unknown
"Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas."
Esa Tikkannen
"Your sweat is your fat crying. Keep it up."
From a runner's T-shirt
"If found on ground, please drag to finish line."
From a runner's T-shirt
"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
Erma Bombeck
"Slow runners make fast runners look good. Thank you."
From the back of a T-shirt
"If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise."
P.Z. Pearce
"If the hill has its own name, then it's probably a pretty tough hill."
Marty Stern
"I run so my goals in life will continue to get bigger instead of my belly."
Bill Kirby
"Run. Because zombies will eat the untrained ones first."
From the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide
"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."
Gabrielle Zevin
"If you feel bad at 10 miles, you're in trouble. If you feel bad at 20 miles, you're normal. If you don't feel bad at 26 miles, you're abnormal."
Rob de Castella
"I love running cross country. On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams
"It is true that speed kills. In distance running, it kills anyone who does not have it."
Brooks Johnson
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot
"I believe that the good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street."
Neil Armstrong
Step one to running a marathon: You run. There is no step two.
-Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown
"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown
"Good things come slow. Especially in distance running."
Bill Dellinger
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success. Although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes."
Don Kardong
“Running a marathon takes balls, other sports just play with them.” – Unknown
“Running: Cheaper than therapy.”
-seen on runner’s T-shirt
"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."
Baron Hansen
“Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.”
Stanley from The Office
"It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him."
Mike Royko
"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."
Rita Rudner
"If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want. Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway."
Don Kardong
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
"I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty."
Wendy Liebman