If you can’t decide which side to take to Thanksgiving.
Bringing your side piece is guarenteed to cause drama.
My dad told me he’s not gonna eat my deviled eggs this thanksgiving.
He told me they’re possessed.
At Thanksgiving, my brother tried to carve the turkey with a grapefruit spoon.
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
I was picking through the turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but I couldn't find one big enough for my family. I turned to the employee and asked, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
“No, sir," he replied. "They're dead."
My Aunt with half a plate left: I don't think I can eat anymore, this meat is just not appealing to me.
Me: Have a potato, it has a peal.
Did you know Def Leppard's drummer makes the best Thanksgiving guest?
He only ever needs one drumstick.
Did you hear about the Thanksgiving turkey who tried to escape the roasting pan?
He was foiled.
What did the turkey say during Thanksgiving?
It was too stuffed to say anything.
My friend finally overcame his addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
He quit cold turkey.
I was going to smoke a turkey this Thanksgiving.
But they banned flavored vapes.
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
What is a teddy bear’s favorite Thanksgiving food?
Stuffing!
Which country hates Thanksgiving?
Turkey
I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and my wife said, “These potatoes are burnt to a crisp!”
I said, “It’s for tomorrow.”
Her: Huh?
Me: Tomorrow is Black Fry day.
My dad died on Thanksgiving whilst eating dinner.
Fowl play was suspected.
What did the brick road say on thanksgiving?
Cobble cobble cobble!
On Thanksgiving, why did the turkey cross the table?
To get to the other sides.
I was prepping the raw turkey for Thanksgiving dinner
It was fowl.
What do people in New Mexico eat on thanksgiving?
an Albuturquey
Why did Prince Charming take the Thanksgiving Turkey to the ball instead of Cinderella?
The turkey was already dressed.
A guy ate only metal bars for thanksgiving
He was gratefull
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving Day jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey
Why wasn't the taxidermist invited to Thanksgiving dinner?
No one wanted to try his stuffing
I went to the butcher's the other day and asked them, how do you prepare your turkey for Thanksgiving?
They said that they just tell them straight out that you're gonna die.
What was Peppa Pig's family doing on Thanksgiving?
They were bacon stuff.
Hey son, do you know why the pilgrims ate biscuits at the first Thanksgiving?
Because they had a boatload of May-flour.
Made a whole bunch of dad jokes at Thanksgiving dinner...
I pulled out all the Pops!
Are you enjoying your sweet potatoes this Thanksgiving?
I know I yam!
My neighbor drank so much gravy on a Thanksgiving Day dare that he choked to death.
He went from the ladle to the grave.
What is a mathematician's favorite part of a big Thanksgiving feast?
Pumpkin pi.
What happens when you die after Thanksgiving?
You go to Gravy Jones' Locker
What do you call a turkey after Thanksgiving?
Lucky.
Grandmother is making the dressing, and is adding several cans of Chicken Broth.
Dad: "You know where you can get that broth in bulk?"
Grandmother: "Where?"
Dad: "The stock market."
He was promptly kicked out of the kitchen.
Who is never hungry on Thanksgiving?
The turkey, because he’s already stuffed!
What's a dancer's favorite Thanksgiving food?
Twerky