In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans, thy sons and their wives."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -- but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed.
"I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls -- but no go!
"When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. I am required to apply for 834 different licenses to keep wild beasts on private property.
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood. Further, the pitch to water-proof the ark has been banned by the EPA as inimical to the environment.
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
"Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The scaffolding to build the superstructure is not OSHA-approved and is forbidden to use except for private structures less than 5 cubits..
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 100 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?".
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
Welcome to Laugh Corner - Single Panel Comics
Dial down the stress as we approach our much-deserved weekend with some humor.
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Over 100 Hilarious Memes!
Enjoy many categories and over 100 funny and hilarious memes of all kinds.
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Add Humor to Your Bathroom With These Crazy Curtains
Add a touch of humor to your bathroom with these crazy shower curtains.
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These photos capture the most brilliant comedic irony caught on camera!
The Funniest Videos are Shot Right at Home!
These hilarious videos are all winners of the Funniest Home Videos Awards!
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These Wacky Racoons Are Here to Make You Laugh Out Loud!
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Who Knew Church Signs could be This Funny?
Churches seem to have found that addressing dwindling congregations can be achieved with a great sense of humor. Here are 14 hysterically funny US church signs.
Hilarious: Have You Seen The New Senior Bumper Stickers?
Here are some bumper stickers specially made for the retired lifestyle!
Have You Ever Wondered What Animals Look Like Pregnant?
These animals really don't look too pleased with the current state that they're in! Here's what 22 animals look like just before they give birth.
Hilarious: Quick, Mrs. Brown, Answer the Phone! (Rude)
Mrs Brown's boys sure didn't think she would enjoy her new smart phone this much!
Funny: Wedding Days Aren't Supposed to Go Like This...
These weddings didn't quite go quite as planned...they'll crack you up!
Nostalgic Comedy: Did Bert Forget Their Anniversary?
In this episode Molly thinks Bert forgot their anniversary.
Only Senior Citizens Can Relate to This Hilarious Advice
If you're over the age of 60, you'll definitely be able to relate to these light-hearted statements.
Here Are Some Funny New Year's Quotes to Make You Laugh
We want you to welcome 2023 with laughter. So, here are some hilarious News Year quotes for you.
Classic Comedy: Mrs. Brown and Her Naughty Situation (Rude)
We come back to our favorite foul mouthed lady in this hilarious sketch.This will definitely get you laughing!
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These Hilarious Pub Signs Are Enough to Tickle Your Fancy
When you're a pub landlord, it's always a challenge to get the customers through the door, but these 17 hilarious signs will show you how creative they can be.
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16 Hilarious Panorama Fails That Are So Bad They're Good
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This Bird Compilation Will Have You Hooting with Laughter
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These Funny Restaurant Signs Will Have You Guffawing
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If You Have a Well Aged Sense of Humor, You'll Love This!
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These Dogs' Funny Faces Made Me Laugh My Socks Off!
It's the simplest things in life that make me laugh. Like these 23 brilliant photos of dogs chasing treats! Priceless.
These Truths About Marriage are Bound Crack You Up!
These absolute truths about marriage will really crack you up!
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These 24 Funny Wild Animals Know When to Say Cheese!
Wild animals are magnificent, sure. But they are also breathing souls with a real thirst for fun, play and humor. This ace contest celebrates their funny side.